The Chain of Destiny - 1989

It's a lot easier to write a review for a book that you loathe, than it is to write about one that is just "okay". So...apologies ahead of time. I find The Chain of Destiny to be inoffensive...Suzannah can pretty much give as good as she gets (which I like)...but she really doesn't get enough material to work with.

Suzannah Lightfoot, 22 year old redhead, has a part-time job as a house guide. She shepherds tour groups around Sir William's stately home as a way of staying close to her aunt and helping the household budget (after losing both parents in a motoring accident she has been living with the aunt). Don't get too attached to the aunt - she kicks the bucket fairly early on in the story. Suzannah meets our hero while house guiding...she thinks the large stranger is lost from a tour group and thus shoos him away from the private part of the house.

Auntie is not feeling quite the thing...which worries Suzannah. The pesky inoperable brain tumor that Auntie doesn't know she has, is finally taking it's toll. Gosh, where's a brain surgeon when you need one? Staying with the local doctor, that's where. Professor Guy Bowers-Bentinck turns out to be the handsome straggling stranger from the house tour...but even his awesome brain surgeon skills are to no avail when it comes to saving Auntie. Enter Phoebe. Niece to Sir William (he of the stately home). Besides having a go for the Professor, she also takes it upon herself to evict Suzannah and give her notice as to her job. That would make Suzannah a)homeless b) jobless c) alone in the world. Yep, Phoebe's a peach. Suzannah walks out of her interview with a face like skimmed milk. The Professor sees her and That Face starts popping up in his thoughts - with increasing regularity. For some reason, he feels compelled to help her.

And thus begins Professor Bowers-Bentinck's career as a one man temp agency. A temp agency devoted to finding gainful employment for Suzannah.

Job 1: Archiver

Sorting trunks of family papers for two old ladies...zzzzz...huh? The job is ideal for her, as it comes complete with pet-friendly flatlet. Did I mention she has a cat named Horace? Yes, Suzannah is one of "those" people. A pet person. The Prof. stops by occasionally to swap compliments with Suzannah.

Him: Well, well, this is a pleasant surprise.

Her: A surprise...I don't know about it being pleasant.

Him: How outspoken of you...I should be flattered you remember me.

Her: I'd be silly if I didn't - you're vast, you must know you're good-looking; and you're here to see your aunt.

Him: Such an abundance of compliments.

Her: They're not meant to be, just facts.

Of course, this job is just temporary...as soon as the trunks are sorted and cataloged, it's time for the Prof. to find another job for her. The next one is in...wait for it...Holland!

Job 2: Keeper

Julie van Dijl is a post-surgical patient of the Professor's. After having a spot of brain surgery she doesn't need a nurse, just a keeper. Prof. B-hyphenated-B sweetens the pot by inferring that Suzannah is reliable, dependable and "what is that other virtue? - sensible?"

Him: Sorry, I put that badly...I intended nothing personal.

Her(kindly): I don't expect you did, but you should be more careful when you are talking to girls like me.

Him: Huh??

Her: I'm no beauty, I've no money, no job and the future's a bit vague; I don't want to be reminded of any of those things...It was nice of you to offer me a job, but I can't take it.

Yeah, she turns him down. There's no way she can take a job in Holland! What would become of Horace the Cat? Prof. B-B will cat-sit, that's what. The job is just about what she expects - Julie is a spoiled rich girl who expects the world to fall at her feet. Julie is not deliberately mean to Suzannah or deliberately nice. All in all, it's a job. She does have one nice day. The professor takes Suzannah on the Tour de Holland. In his great socking Bentley. He tries to get Suzannah to tell him what her future plans are...SCREECH! That's the sound of Suzannah putting on the brakes. She's just fine, thank you. She has no need of the Professor Bowers-Bentinck Employment Agency! Guy (That's what I'm going to call him, deal), drives Sue (That's what I'm going to call her. Deal again) back to England, puts her up at his house and kisses her. Huh?? Time to disappear. Editors Note: Betty Keira would like to make much more of this particular "flight". She'd like to think that Suzannah was in love at this point, which was why she couldn't accept help from Guy. I'm not sold on that theory. Suzannah doesn't show any symptoms of love...yet. We could spend hours analyzing her motives...but let's not.

Job 3: Daycare Worker

Sue finds a subsistence wage job working at a day-care center. The job comes with a basement flatlet, so Horace can come with. Meanwhile Guy is annoyed at not knowing her whereabouts. And annoyed with himself for spending too much time thinking about her. The job is hard work - especially the post-holiday days wherein she spends a good deal of the day cleaning up puke. Nice. Guy spots our girl while she's out with the tykes...he tracks her down to the daycare so as to check up on her. I'm fine, just fine. No, I'm not lonely...I have Horace to keep me company. So Guy leaves and Sue decides that she kind of likes him - he's not all bad. Time for a little drama. The daycare catches fire and girlfriend is a bona fide heroine...rescuing a toddler and his teddy bear from fiery death. And Horace. Unfortunately she is injured in the process - her hand is burned. So are all her belongings...except Horace. Guy sees her in the hospital, swears quietly, uses his brain surgeon skills to bandage her hand and takes her back to his house. Don't worry, Cobb and Mrs. Cobb are there. Mrs. Cobb helps her bathe and tucks her up for the night. Guy drugs her 1am cocoa...so she can sleep again. Mrs. Cobb is pretty sure that the Professor is sweet on Suzannah, and Mrs. Cobb likes her. Which is a good thing, since Mrs. Cobb is the person who gets to buy Sue a new wardrobe (with instructions from the professor not to buy anything brown or grey). Sue is not happy to take the clothes - but Mrs. Cobb reminds her that she owns nothing. NOTHING. Not a stitch of her clothing made it through the fire, and she certainly can't leave "mother-naked" (thank you Betty). Guy sends Sue off to his aunts while she recuperates. They're happy to have her and she's happy enough to stay for a very short while...but Sue has a problem. She'd like to be able to get a job, but she doesn't have a two penny pieces to rub together - she can't afford to ride a bus, make a phone call, buy stamps, etc....Guy stops by and the first words out of her mouth are "Would you lend me a pound?"

I'd like a round of Dawning Realizations...

Guy invites Sue to visit his ancestral birthplace with him, she doesn't care what it's like, it could be a "two-up and two-down with no mod. cons." and she'd like it if he was there. Of course it's much fancier than that - it comes complete with wood carving over the fireplace and two old donkeys in the paddock. It's too bad Sue doesn't realize that an invite like this is tantamount to a public declaration of love in Neeldom. If she'd known that, she might not have allowed herself to be taken in by the lies, wicked lies, told by Phoebe, the big Phat Liar. Even though Phoebe hasn't made much of an appearance lately, she stops by and lies like a rug. According to her, she and Guy will be getting married soon, and they'd be happy to give Sue a job working for them in some menial capacity. Which leads to (after Horace ripping Phoebe's tights):

Job 4: Nanny

Sue just has to leave...and get far, far away. Her "flight" instinct is way stronger than "fight". She jumps temp. agencies and finds a job on the community message board. Horace is parked with an old friend and Sue heads off to the wilds of Yorkshire as a fill-in nanny for a family with three kids and a mother who is describes as "airy-fairy" *snort*. Guy tracks her down, and they kiss in the drizzling rain. The end.

Verdict: Suzannah is an okay heroine...sort of the archetype of the red-headed Neels orphan. In the rare scenes that she shares with Guy they have chemistry. Early on, Sue seems almost like a scientist cocking her head to the side as she observes a petri-dish...interested, but not emotionally involved. It's cute. I think the main problem is that there are far too few pages where the protagonists get to interact. Guy is an okay hero...but more than a bit two-dimensional. We do get glimpses of his growing interest...but the glimpses are just that - glimpses. I would have liked a few full on stares. I'm going to rate this somewhere between treacle tart and mince pies. On a side note, I would like to know what, if any, significance there is to the title "The Chain of Destiny". There are several other books out there with the same name and even a short story by Bram Stoker. Plus a quote by Winston Churchill...who was quite possibly quoting some other source. Help. Anyone?

Food: croissants, kas broodje, crumpets, smoked eel on toast, roast pheasant and red cabbage, paper thin pancakes with syrup, salmon in lobster sauce, caviar, cheese souffles, steak and kidney pudding, bread and butter pudding.

Fashion: fine green wool fabric for a skirt - which she HAND SEWS, very plain silk jersey dress in pewter grey, checked cotton blouse with plain dark skirt, Julie buys a gold-tissue dress with roses (can anyone picture this looking good?), blue-grey crepe with a discreet neckline, threadbare brown coat, passable gloves and handbag.

Lemon Sorbet

Another easy-Parcheesi summertime dish! Only 4 ingredients, and one of those is water! I got the recipe from the pamphlet that came with our Cuisinart Frozen Yogurt-Ice Cream & Sorbet Maker. Hopefully they don't sue me:


Fresh Lemon Sorbet


Ingredients
2 cups sugar
2 cups water
1 1/2 cups freshly squeezed lemon juice
1 tablespoon finely chopped lemon zest

Instructions
Combine the sugar and water in a large saucepan and bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Reduce heat to low and simmer without stirring until the sugar dissolves, about 3 to 5 minutes. Cool completely. This is called a simple syrup, and may be made ahead in larger quantities to have on hand for making Fresh Lemon Sorbet. Keep refrigerated until ready to use.
When cool, add the lemon juice and zest; stir to combine. Turn the machine on. Pour the lemon mixture into the freezer bowl, and mix until the mixture thickens, about 25 to 30 minutes. The sorbet will have a soft texture similar to a freshly scooped Italian ice. If a firmer consistency is desired, transfer the sorbet to an airtight container and place in freezer for about 2 hours.
Remove from freezer about 15 minutes before serving.

Verdict: If you have the ingredients for fresh-squeezed lemonade, you have the ingredients for this sorbet. It's both sweet AND tart. I really liked it - but beware, a little goes a long way, taste-wise. Dr. van der Stevejink found it a tad strong (which sooo won't keep him from having seconds)...my two teenage boys liked it - although they found it a bit strong too, although my 15 year old kept eating it and eating it...

I'd like to put a plug in for the Cuisinart appliance. Not only is it simple and easy to use, it's a lot less messy than traditional ice cream freezers. Ours came with two containers - you just keep them in the freezer until you're ready to use them. No muss, no fuss. I could see this being a problem if freezer space is limited, but if it's not, this is a nice little appliance to have on hand.

Lemon Sorbet can be found in Roses and Champagne and Britannia All at Sea.

Question of the Week

She was torn between pleasure at being called a handsome creature--even though it put her strongly in mind of some outsized horse--and annoyance at his casual dismissal of her appearance...
Britannia All At Sea

Handsome. I like the word myself, feeling that it expresses sentiments similar to Holly Golightly in Breakfast At Tiffany's:

Not that I give a hoot about jewelry. Diamonds, yes. But it's tacky to wear diamonds before you're forty...

Handsome is a wonderful thing to be...but not until you're some age I haven't reached yet. My 4-year-old is tyrannical on the subject of adjectives. He is not cute. Girls are cute. Boys are handsome...and they don't even have to be forty.

Question is: What describer words do you like to use and what constraints rest on these? (ie. My husband allows himself to be called fabulous (You're a fabulous husband.) but would prefer not to 'look' fabulous.)

Upcoming Review

Monday, August 2nd. The Proposal. Orphan taking care of younger sister while working as companion to a cranky old Lady who has a dog named Bobo.

Thursday, August 5th. The Vicar's Daughter. Birthin' babies in a tent! Unfortunate motor-car fatalities, rescuing toddler from drowning, a potential mother-in-law who makes Margo help with the plum jam while being catty to her.

Word of the Day

The plumbing was complicated and noisy and the bedpan washer made a peculiar clanging noise, but because some time in the distant future the hospital was to be re-sited and become a modern showpiece with every conceivable mod con the architect and Hospital Committee could think of, the antediluvian conditions which at present existed were overlooked--not by the nursing staff, of course, who had to cope with them and voiced their complaints, singly and in groups, round the clock.
Britannia All At Sea

Noun: mod con
Usage: Brit
Modern convenience; the appliances and conveniences characteristic of a modern house (ie, heating, electricity, plumbing)

I can honestly say that before I picked up a Betty Neels I had never heard the phrase mod con. When you read this the entire inhabitants (including the short diapered fellow) of La Casa van Voorhees will be camping...in the wilderness...without the mod cons to which Mevrouw Betty Keira van Voorhees is so lovingly attached...without even a metered geyser to call my own.

Happily, if you're willing to share with hundreds of others, Honeyman State Park boasts warm showers and flushing loos. It was created by the CCC during the Great Depression under the FDR administration--which reminds me of the TVA (another FDR program) designed to deliver a few mod cons to the Tennessee Valley...

Britannia All At Sea - Discussion Thread

To compensate for the totally pedestrian last name of Smith, Mr. and Mrs. Smith named their daughter Britannia. Very patriotic of them. It brings to mind the song "Rule Britannia", whose lyrics were taken from a poem by James Thomson. Here's the first of six verses of the poem:

When Britain first, at Heaven's command
Arose from out the azure main;
This was the charter of the land,
And guardian angels sang this strain:
"Rule, Britannia! rule the waves:
"Britons never will be slaves."

The Founding Bettys also had patriotic forbears. Amongst our ancestors can be found a George Washington Brewer and a Joseph Eggleston Johnston Walley (that's patriotic if you happen to be from the formerly Confederate state of Mississippi).

Sisters have coffee with the doctors in their offices. The lowlier staff have to drink their tea or coffee when and where they can. Staff nurse Britannia drinks her coffee in the linen cupboard sitting on a hamper--where the little people take refreshment.

An unusual sartorial statement is made by the dear Professor. This is not the only time The Great Neels has her heroes dressed in scrubs...however, this very well may be the least flattering example. "The professor, being the size he was, looking as though he might burst every seam although his dignity remained unimpaired". Sorry, not quite buying the dignity unimpaired bit, I'm snickering as I type. A tight theatre smock doesn't seem conducive to comfort in the operating theatre, except as a way to lighten the atmosphere with a few repressed chuckles.

She packs a pink dress to Holland because her mother told her that 'men are susceptible to pink'. That phrase makes it sound like the colour pink is a disease that is gender specific, such as colour blindness. I guess that makes some sense.

Commenting on Nurse Joan's hot date, Britannia says, "I thought he looked nice..." Jake replies: "...If by nice you mean unmarried and able to support a wife and anxious to marry your friend, then yes, he is nice." That's the money line.

This is such a fun book. Britannia and Jake play duets on the piano! Not just chopsticks, they thunder through a mazurka and skim through a waltz.

Jake's sister Corinne dumps her baby on pretty much anyone who will hold it. Brilliant strategist!

We are treated to a double cross-over! One is pre-marriage (Laura and Reilof from The Hasty Marriage) and one post-marriage (When May Follows). I'm wondering if The Great Betty may have felt the readers needed reassurance that Jake and Britannia ended up happily ever after.

Britannia All At Sea

Britannia All At Sea did not have a good name with The Founding Bettys. Betty Debbie called to divvy up a month's worth of reviews a few weeks ago. One by one the books were taken until...oh, did you hear something? What was that?...just the sound of Betty Keira falling on her sword. Brittania All At Sea. That one where the girl practically has to arm herself with snares and an elephant tranquilizer gun to land our hero, right? Um, not exactly. This is yet another book that upended my derision and scorn to become very well liked indeed. Does Betty Neels rock or what?
P.S. The cover art. Bikes? Okay. Interesting heroine? I grant you. Hero? While not ugly, per se, he has too much hair for a self-respecting RDD.

Britannia Smith, 24 (but carries herself like a confident 35), is a splendidly built Staff Nurse at St. Jude's. She's engaged in a spot of multi-tasking in the sluice room--comforting a shattered student nurse and directing traffic. She doesn't know who that vast giant of a man is who wants to get on the ward but he'd better come up the other stairs like all the regular riff-raff and look smart about it.
Professor Jake Luitingh van Thien is ultimately worth all the trouble it will take to write that name out on checks for decades to come. He describes himself to Brittania less than an hour into their acquaintance as 'getting on for forty, unmarried, rich and something of a hermit; I need please no one.' Well. Hello, Mr. Fussy-britches. I'm imagining Kurt from The Sound of Music stepping out from the line and saying, "I'm Kurt and I'm incorrigible." and daring Sister Maria to do her worst.
They fall promptly in love with each other and it's not just about looks either. Haven't they just colluded to save that poor student nurse from false specimen-dropping charges (Wait. Is that poo? Does she mean poo?) wherein traits like loyalty, discretion, generosity and self-disinterest were on full display? Being in love is not going to make our Brit nurse tongue-tied and giddy though. If Jake has bad manners, well then, Britannia is going to educate him in the Miss Smith School of Manners and Butt-Kickery. Britannia manages to thread the needle--neither needlessly catty nor boringly meek. As evidenced by the time she wrinkes her nose at him in church and makes a face, she's practically a master's thesis in cheeky.
Jake, not letting the grass grow, invites her to a swanky meal at the end of her very long day. Bacon sandwiches at Ned's--greasy spoons and plastic tables evidently epitomizing London romance in the same way aggressive panhandlers and street mimes spell it in Paris? Jake gives her the third-degree concerning her marital prospects and dating status then asks if she's in love. "Yes," she said briefly, and wondered just what he would say if she told him it was himself. ...He observed in a nasty smooth voice, "I suppose I am expected to say what a lucky man he is." She puts him in a half-Nelson and makes an exit. (Okay, sure she didn't but you can't get the image out of your head now.)
Shoot. Now they'll never meet again and she's wasted her chances. But Fate is in an interesting mood and she gets an opportunity to accompany a friend to Holland on her two week vacation. She asks her parents if she should go and we are treated the the most delightful three-way dialogue about the Professor's 'suitability'. It puts me forcibly in mind of the famous "Who's on First" skit.
Editor's Note: I remember thinking that this was way way more stalker-ish the first time I read it but upon...ahem...mature reflection I rather admire Britannia for it. She has met the man she wants to marry. That man is in Holland. She must go to Holland. Betty Debbie likened it to lurking around the classroom doors of the fella you wanted to have ask you to the Homecoming Dance on the principle that proximity leads to opportunity. Britannia isn't going to chase Jake...she's just going to make chasing her a little less difficult for him.
In Holland, they meet under less than ideal circumstances. She's always on a bike. The weather is always crummy. Jake is always jumping into his Rolls (after shouting at her) and tearing down the Dutch equivalent of the inter-state leaving her to pedal on without him.
"You're not fit to be out on your own."
"...You can come with me if you like...nothing like fresh air to blow away bad temper...oh well, perhaps you can't cycle anymore." Snap.
Just when it seems like they will never make headway and that he's doomed to only see her in dumpy anoraks and sweaters for the rest of eternity, he shows up with his bike. Ah-ha! The cheekiness paid dividends. Or maybe it was calling his manhood into question...
Before you know it she's meeting his mother and Madeleine, a trendily dressed beanpole with a personality to match. And then on page 84--84, mark you! No good can come of mutual declarations of love on page 84!--he tells her that he'll never marry the beanpole because it's Britannia who makes the sun rise in the east, makes unicorns spring from baby tears and lollipops rain from the sky. Seriously though, he's quite eloquent but, though she says she returns his love, she's having none of it.
What!?
Editorial Note:
This was the other thing that nearly drove me to drink when reading this book. She spends all this time creating opportunities for him to fall in love with her and then when he tells her he has fallen 'more than a little in love with her' (a phrase which ought to be banned from proposals of marriage hereafter) she, to use a Betty-ism, funks. But upon re-reading I think Britannia had a point which, if you will grab your chair and inflatable pillow and hunker down for a spell, I will be happy to explain.
1) He is much, much richer than she had any reason to assume when she decided to do a spot of man-chasing. Britannia is the 'jug-of-wine-loaf-of-bread-and-thou' type and has to adjust herself to the inadequacy of her upbringing in preparing her for a life like his (which she only finds out about 30 minutes before his proposal). She has a good point.
2) Having decided so firmly that she loved him and wanted to marry him, it looks as though her chasing (mild though it was) is paying off. Eek, she must be thinking to herself, I shot him with my tranquilizer gun and now it doesn't look like a fair fight. What if she is merely a passing fancy for him? What if she 'caught' him? Also, good points.

And so we move on to the second portion of the book which I refuse to waste a ton of time on as it in no way lives up to the truly wonderful first act. It slows waaaaaay down and gets a little dreary.
Jake continues to try to persuade Britannia to marry him and she continues to refuse. We do get some lovely spots of snogging to relieve the tedium of her monotonous refusals and a very frustrated doctor.
On the very last day of her holiday she takes a bike ride to take one last look at his castle. Cast aside the dubious sense it makes to be bike riding in Holland in December...No, don't cast it aside. It's the whole point of the next episode which leaves her with a badly sprained ankle, nausea, a concussion, facial bruising and two (not one but two!) fainting spells. Happily, Jake knew just where to look for the future Mevrouw Professor Jake Luitingh van Thien.
Faster than you can say 'convenient plot device', it is decided that she has to stay in Holland--at Jake's. Like a sherpa on his way to the summit, he carries her around an awful lot. But he is a little aloof--she did, after all, plan to abandon him entirely and he's understandably miffed (if still determined to make her his wife).
On St. Nikolaas she is allowed to come downstairs to the family festivities--dressed like an invalid. The only beanpole in the ointment is that Madeleine is there. Britannia is offered no better explanation than, "She always comes." Like hayfever and the seasonal flu, she always comes. (Sounds like it's time to take some Benadryl...)
After dinner, Jake proposes again (in a really lovely way) and this time Britannia is persuaded to accept. "That's better." He kissed the top of her head. "Now let us be sensible and assess the situation." He paused: "Well, let us be sensible presently." But it's still only page 154 and I worry about those two crazy kids...
The engagement is not to be made official for a week or so but things seem to settle down. Britannia is still worried about entertaining on a massive scale and caring for the Weesp china but as long as she has Jake's absolute and unconditional love...
Suddenly, that is cast into doubt. Madeleine hasn't wasted the best years of her life to come in second to some anorak-sporting, tea-swilling, British bumpkin. She makes one last throw of the dice by showing up at the castle with tears and evidence. No, let's go back and capitalize that: EVIDENCE!
The letter begins, 'Mijn lieveling...' and ends, 'all my love, Jake.' Madeleine is happy to translate. I know what you're thinking but while it is easy enough in retrospect to suggest that Britannia demand the letter (not just peeks at the intro) and trot over to the Dutch to English Dictionary for hours of painstaking translation, at the time she was upset.
Jake returns to find Britannia nothing more than miserable and confused (not accusing or Weesp china-throwing or anything) and he flips his lid. (And I don't blame him too much either--he was simple-minded about Madeleine's ability and desire to muddy his waters and spent a lot of time press-ganging Britannia to accept him and his millions.)
He practically drags Britannia back to England by her hair (30 minutes to pack her things!) no matter how she tries and tries to talk things out. She is dumped at her fuddled parents' house and he wipes his hands of her.
Less than a fortnight later she is thinner and pluckily working out her notice on the Geriatric ward. Up walks Jake (with an appropriate number of pages left in the book to make it stick this time) to engage the old lady Britannia is putting to bed in a spot of conversation. "I hope that when Britannia here is your age, my dear, she will be as charming as you, and yes, I have come to fetch her; she's my girl, you see..."
Gulp. They retrench to Ned's (bacon sandwiches) and he makes her agree to marry him tomorrow.
Whew.
The End

Rating: This was so much better than I remembered. I began it in such a grumpy mood ("Oh, it's the one where she has to chase him down.") and wasn't twenty pages in before it had me laughing out loud. The first 85 pages feel like something out of a Fred and Ginger musical--the kind where if they're not singing and dancing they're slanging like fishwives. The remaining 130 pages were not as good but I don't quibble with the writing or the plot (though I don't love, love it). Rather it's a pacing problem. The Mighty Neels peaked 60 pages too early. First half: Acerbic and effervescent courtship. Second half: Doubt and Anxiety and Bodily Injury. Final pages: Cute as a bug's ear. Britannia will have a interesting personality to manage in her husband but she is more than up to the task. I give this one a boeuf en croute.

Food: Speculaas , roast leg of lamb with spiced peaches, bacon sandwiches at the beginning and end of the book, cheese on toast, disguised eel (it would have to be), lemon sorbet and a pipkin (I want a pipkin!) of soup.

Fashion: Hospital nurse's cape, autumn colored tweed suit, short dark green dress, long pink dress (her go-to in Holland), a vast and elderly blue guernsey sweater that he makes her meet his mother in (Un. For. Give. Able.), a Gucci scarf and countless anoraks. Madeleine wears a red fox fur jacket and suede skirt.