Thursday, March 21, 2013

The Somewhat Less Metaphysical Baby Shower

Dear Bettys!
I have read with interest and amusement the offerings of your Betty-inspired alter-egos to my Virtual Baby Shower.  I particularly find myself partial to Betty van den Betsy's offer to be Sarah Fletcher (cooking, fetching and carrying...).  My only question is, how soon can you come?

Though it wouldn't be exactly kosher for the expectant mother to participate, I wanted to log on as The Vogue Model in the Gold Lame Pantsuit. I would trip in on ridiculous, flimsy heels all unaware that my offering, Good Bourbon...for teething, would be viewed with raised eyebrows and mild outrage.  My days would be numbered but I would mean well.

But on to the Shower of Knitted Goods!  What?  Yes, Bettys.  I was showered with other things as well but Betty Kylene (who devotes whole seasons to knitting) and her ally, my friend Paula (a Ward-maid Maisie if Maisie were interested in fashioning period-correct Oregon Trail garb (down to hand made corsets and corded petticoats!) in her off hours), rained their bounty on my head.

Since La Neels was so interested in knit-wear, I HAD to show it off:

The Pledges of Huis van Voorhees generally come in the strapping (cough*9 lbs*cough) variety--not needing the tender ministrations of Gold Medalist Rose Comely or the eye of Professor Baron Tiele Max van der Sibbelt ter Brandt--and we hope to wear this cute little number home from the hospital.

Betty Kylene, being somewhat cheeky, couldn't resist a gentle reference to the most hard-fought battle at The Uncrushable Jersey Dress short of whether The Hasty Marriage is the BEST Betty book (yes, yes it is--no throwing things Betty JoDee!) or the worst. Baby turbans?  Okay, maybe.  Of course, it helped that Betty Debbie's grandson (secure in his awesomeness) was happy to model it and win us over.

The gorgeous A-symetrical number in lovely winter white that, I imagine, could only be drooled over by a frustrated doctor's wife in the baby department of Harrods while she contemplates her cold, loveless marriage.  As she inspects each tiny, perfect stitch she will be filled with a sudden resolve to fix it.

Sarah van Elven, enjoying implied conjugal relations in a snowed-in Scottish croft, would be anxious, no doubt, to warm her first pledge of affection from the brisk Autumn wind several months later with knitwear and hats.  Lots and lots of hats.

Julia van der Maes, her entrepreneurial spirit dashed by a faulty business model and a limited Mills and Boon word count, would channel her talents into producing the best knit-wear the more exclusive London suburbs would ever see.  Would it be her fault if, upon seeing a fabulously honeycombed bodice and coordinating, ribbed bonnet, the ladies of the area would begin commissioning her for her work?  How nice not to have the hassles of a store-front shop, she smiled as she knitted, where the takings would be slim and the overhead high, instead enjoying the patronage of the insanely wealthy all under her husband's nose... 
Baby Henry van Oeste ter Lindemann rocks hats and bonnets.  For you, Gentle Bettys!
Betty Kylene, had to feed her family sometime (not being contracted into actual sweatshop conditions), and presented Betty Keira with a shoe and a half.  Betty Keira was delighted and could not help but think of the story of the fairy tale of The Wild Swans.  She hoped that her littlest pledge was not stuck with a bird foot forever...