Thursday, March 21, 2013

The Somewhat Less Metaphysical Baby Shower

Dear Bettys!
I have read with interest and amusement the offerings of your Betty-inspired alter-egos to my Virtual Baby Shower.  I particularly find myself partial to Betty van den Betsy's offer to be Sarah Fletcher (cooking, fetching and carrying...).  My only question is, how soon can you come?

Though it wouldn't be exactly kosher for the expectant mother to participate, I wanted to log on as The Vogue Model in the Gold Lame Pantsuit. I would trip in on ridiculous, flimsy heels all unaware that my offering, Good Bourbon...for teething, would be viewed with raised eyebrows and mild outrage.  My days would be numbered but I would mean well.

But on to the Shower of Knitted Goods!  What?  Yes, Bettys.  I was showered with other things as well but Betty Kylene (who devotes whole seasons to knitting) and her ally, my friend Paula (a Ward-maid Maisie if Maisie were interested in fashioning period-correct Oregon Trail garb (down to hand made corsets and corded petticoats!) in her off hours), rained their bounty on my head.

Since La Neels was so interested in knit-wear, I HAD to show it off:

The Pledges of Huis van Voorhees generally come in the strapping (cough*9 lbs*cough) variety--not needing the tender ministrations of Gold Medalist Rose Comely or the eye of Professor Baron Tiele Max van der Sibbelt ter Brandt--and we hope to wear this cute little number home from the hospital.

Betty Kylene, being somewhat cheeky, couldn't resist a gentle reference to the most hard-fought battle at The Uncrushable Jersey Dress short of whether The Hasty Marriage is the BEST Betty book (yes, yes it is--no throwing things Betty JoDee!) or the worst. Baby turbans?  Okay, maybe.  Of course, it helped that Betty Debbie's grandson (secure in his awesomeness) was happy to model it and win us over.

The gorgeous A-symetrical number in lovely winter white that, I imagine, could only be drooled over by a frustrated doctor's wife in the baby department of Harrods while she contemplates her cold, loveless marriage.  As she inspects each tiny, perfect stitch she will be filled with a sudden resolve to fix it.

Sarah van Elven, enjoying implied conjugal relations in a snowed-in Scottish croft, would be anxious, no doubt, to warm her first pledge of affection from the brisk Autumn wind several months later with knitwear and hats.  Lots and lots of hats.

Julia van der Maes, her entrepreneurial spirit dashed by a faulty business model and a limited Mills and Boon word count, would channel her talents into producing the best knit-wear the more exclusive London suburbs would ever see.  Would it be her fault if, upon seeing a fabulously honeycombed bodice and coordinating, ribbed bonnet, the ladies of the area would begin commissioning her for her work?  How nice not to have the hassles of a store-front shop, she smiled as she knitted, where the takings would be slim and the overhead high, instead enjoying the patronage of the insanely wealthy all under her husband's nose... 
Baby Henry van Oeste ter Lindemann rocks hats and bonnets.  For you, Gentle Bettys!
Betty Kylene, had to feed her family sometime (not being contracted into actual sweatshop conditions), and presented Betty Keira with a shoe and a half.  Betty Keira was delighted and could not help but think of the story of the fairy tale of The Wild Swans.  She hoped that her littlest pledge was not stuck with a bird foot forever...


  1. Ooooh, look at all those cute little garments! Gorgeous patterns, lovely colours! And the cutest little munchkin modeling the hats! And the dresses, dear Bettys, in true Neels style, for the dresses are pinafores, yes, pinafores.
    Thank you for "showing off" the knit-wear that Betty Kylene and Paula fashioned!

  2. What beautiful handmade items! :)

    (The handsome little guy is just precious in those hats!)

  3. Awesome job! I started a baby sweater when my former co-clerk (i.e., we clerked for the same federal judge at the same time) had her baby. I don't think her daughter has matriculated Harvard...yet...but I'm pretty sure she's now too big for that particular unfinished sweater. I'd finish it for Betty Keira's Betty-to-Be, but I still wouldn't finish it. I lack Betty Kylene's fabulous Finishing Gene!

  4. Betty Barbara here--
    Adding to the 'oohs' and 'ahhs'.
    I think my favorite is the variegated blue/green sweater and bonnet (attributed to Sarah van Elven). But really, they are all gorgeous.
    And our young model is just too cute for words! (But don't let him see these pictures when he's older--we all know he will be just grossed out to be wearing girl hats--oh, the horror! oh, the cooties!!)
    Betty Keira. you are fortunate in your crafty friends.

  5. I soooo forgot to come as someone. I think I would have been Haughty Harry bringing turbans and negligees (suitable for light medical work). Hurrah for all the knitters...I bet they knitted cheerfully by the fire with sundry pets clustered around their ankles.

  6. Oh my stars!!! Cuteness overload! Precious baby model! Beautiful mom-to-be! Darling knitted clothing! Love all of it!

    Betty AnoninTX!!

  7. Baby Turbans!!!! *snort formula out the nose
    (I knew La Neels couldn't be wrong--she just should have had smaller females wearing them...).

    But seriously, I want that honeycombed bodice--Do you think it would stretch over my generous curves?

    (I'm feeling confident that the newest fashion attire will successfully inoculate the soon-to-be occupant of the vast ancestral nursery from receiving the regrettable Nasty Marriage Blindness Gene from Mommy Keira.)

    1. To wit, I can attest that Betty Keira is not a carrier of that regrettable gene.
      Betty 'Cause Neither Am I Anonymous

      in an aside: So who is?

  8. Congratulations Betty Kiera! I've been under the radar for a while. So nice to come back and see that a new pledge of affection is soon to arrive for you. What a joy! She will be well dressed too. :-) Makes me wish my kids would settle down and start churning out grandchildren. (misty smile).
    Love you guys!

  9. "Cressida Cassandra van Voorhees van Hotness admired the immaculately-kept flower gardens of her Knightsbridge neighbors as she strolled down the steps of her convenient husband's Regency townhouse, turning to smile and wave to the paternally watchful Butter. As she strolled toward the shops, gently swinging her basket, she wondered that she could feel... well, rather empty, really, despite the promise of spring carried by the bluebells and daffodils blooming around her. Perhaps a new dress, funded by her generous allowance, would help.

    "But Cressy, being Cressy, wasn't one to be cheered by material goods, and found her feet drifting toward the baby-clothes department. Perhaps Litrik's good friend, Dr. Thomas Braden-Jodee, and his lovely-eyed wife Olivia Araminta, would appreciate a small gift for the arrival of the expected pledge of their very-evident affection.

    "'Is madam looking for something special?' the delightfully-behatted saleswoman asked with a smile. 'Perhaps one of our array of hand-knitted items inspired by the world-famous Silver Thaw of Oregon?' and she held up the most lovely, delicately knit, asymmetrical sweater jacket and matching bonnet. Perfect for baby girl - but, Cressy realized, not Olivia and Thomas's baby girl, but one of her own. Hers and Litrik's. 'Oh, bother,' she said aloud in a half-puzzled, half-peeved tone. She realized that she hasd rather astonished the saleswoman - Kylene, it seemed from her discreetly-engraved nametag.

    "'Well,' Cressida said, 'haven't you ever been taken by surprise by your thoughts?' and she smiled brilliantly, turning her plain face almost pretty. 'Indeed, Madam,' Kylene replied; she was clearly a woman who had many irons in the fire. But regardless of the sympathy of strangers -- oh, bother. What a time to realize she was hopelessly in love with her brilliant, absent-minded husband, and wanted desperately to have a clutch of Mexican-Dutch-American-English babies with him!"

  10. Just wondering...has the new baby arrived yet? I hope that all is well! :)

  11. Where is that baby??!!

    Betty AnoninTX

    1. The as yet unnamed pledge is biding her time. Today is Betty Keira's due date - but she's not one to rush things.

  12. Oh, I misunderstood. I thought last Thursday was her due date!

    No, no, mustn't rush these things...:)

  13. I'm just eager to have a new baby in the family! (so to speak) I've been thinking of Betty Keira. :)

    Betty AnoninTX who is not so patient