Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Good Morning, Class

another great submission via email from Betty Anonymous!

Good Morning, Class

"Good morning, class.
"Good morning , Ms Anon. "

"Now, before I return your marked papers, let’s just see if you’re all accounted for. Betty Francesa’s mom called the office this morning to say she’s got the sniffles, so she is excused from class today. "

What Betty Francesca’s mom and Ms Anon don’t know: Betty Francesca had puffy eyes and a red nose because she had been reading Caroline’s Waterloo and had been crying her eyes out because the gypsies were beating the poor little donkey.

"Where is Betty Magdalen? I saw her outside just now in the playground – on the teeter-totter with our little exchange student from Eton-Harrow-Winchester. Let’s see what her excuse will be this time. That Betty Magdalen! She will always try to reason herself out of the stickiest situations. Well, then., here are your English papers. All in all, I am very pleased with your efforts.
Betty Mary, very nice, though you’ve got the numbers of the chapters mixed up.
Betty Debbie, I am not entirely certain you’ve done your reading assignment. I think I may safely deduce from your comments that you’ve been reading Keira’s Digest again.
Betty Carla, very nice, but there were no dingos in the story, dear.
Betty Lulu, your writing has improved greatly, well done, I can see you’ve worked hard at the extra homework I gave you.
Betty AnHK, how on earth you managed to detect the influence of Taoism in front of a feudal background juxtaposit capitalistic tendencies in Melanie’s behaviour towards her sisters fiancĂ© quite escapes me. Otherwise your essay is very engaging.
Betty Dorthe, your writing has a lot of zest, and the way you have with whisking the words into a text was quite the icing on the cake for me.
Betty JoDee! What have I said about throwing spitwads in my classroom?!! Huff. You were away from school for a while so you didn’t write a review this time.
Betty Barbara, I love the angle you took at looking at the protagonists’ families! Your review almost reads like a real family history. Well done.
Betty Laurel, you feel the story could be turned into a musical or even an opera? That’s a very interesting thought. And you mentioned that Melanie was mostly mumchance – very perceptive of you.
Betty Keira, you inferred the same thing in your paper. Excellent review. I truly enjoyed reading it. Well done.
Betty Beth, one cannot say that there was an over-abundance of words in your paper, but I enjoyed reading it none the less."

Knock, knock.

"Excuse me, Ms Anon. "
"Yes, Betty Henry?"
"Nurse ffinch sent me to tell you that Betty Magdalen shall be late. Little Betty Ross fell off the see-saw and she had to take him to Nurse ffinch’s office."
"Thank you, Betty Henry."
"Not at all."

"Where was I? Ah, yes. Here we are.
Betty Anonymous, your style is still a little stilted, you have to work on that. And I will give you some worksheets, you need to work a little on your prepositions. "

"Good morning, Ms Anon. Sorry I’m late – "
"Yes, that’s quite alright, Betty Magdalen, I hope little Betty Ross was not badly hurt?"
"No, just a little cut and a few scrapes."
"Well, I am certainly glad to hear that. Here is the book review you wrote,
Betty Magdalen. Very nicely done. I like your style. Good work.
Betty van den Betsy, your analysis is concise and to the point, well thought out, fun to read and the statistics you compiled on the exact amount of calories consumed by each of the characters throughout the novel with exact numbers for the percentage of calories from each of the four food groups is a masterpiece –

Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggg

"Saved by the bell. We’ll continue after a little recess."


Betty Anonymous

11 comments:

  1. Very nicely done! We DO have a delightful, if motley, crew...(Ping! Splat!) Betty JoDee!!! I'm telling!

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  2. Betty Barbara here--

    Yes, family history--just let me know which family and I'll look it up! Ancestry.com to the rescue!!

    Betty Anonymous--I just loved your classroom session! You are up for teacher of the year!!

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  3. Ooh, we have a see-saw? I want to play!

    This made me laugh like crazy. Well done!!

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  4. Ohmigod, this is one of those nightmares, isn't it? The ones where you're doing something completely ordinary and reasonable until suddenly you're aware that you were supposed to be IN CLASS taking an exam. And also that you're naked.

    When did I get enrolled in this particular class? When was the assignment handed out? Are you sure you have the right Betty Magdalen? I'm sure there's more than one.

    Oh. Right. Unlikely to have two Bettys Magdalen who are also married to a Betty Ross and formerly married to a Betty Henry. Okay.

    ::in a singsong voice::
    I'm very sorry I'm late, Ms. Anon. It won't happen again.

    ::sits down and stares at the test disconsolately::

    ::mutters::
    I hope she grades on a curve.

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    Replies
    1. I bet the grade will be "nicely curved."

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  5. Observation from Cinema Betty Class:
    Just returned from Sherlock Holmes: Whatever the Subtitle Is for the Latest One, Doesn't Matter Because It Has Nothing to Do with the Real Sherlock Holmes (oops, digressing...). Anyhoo, I burst out laughing upon hearing the line--"Who knew a honeymoon in Brighton could be so dangerous?"--I wanted to shout back to the screen--"Betty knew!"

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    Replies
    1. Betty Barbara here--
      Yes, yes! I also did the ladylike snort over the Brighton dialog. My husband did not know what I found extra amusing and it really was too complicated to explain during the movie.

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  6. Ummmmm, I thought honeymoons in Brighton were okay, it was just pre-marital trips to Brighton that were a fate worse than death.

    Betty von Susie

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    1. Betty Barbara here-

      Yes, Betty von Susie--you are correct!! Brighton is only a 'dirty' word if it refers to intimate relations out of wedlock! Once you have tied the knot (in front of vicar or registrar--it doesn't matter!!)--going to 'Brighton' is okay!

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  7. Adorable, funny as! Good morning Betty Anon and congrats to you and the rest of the class. I love dreams about school and this brings it all back in a very very wrong way.
    I imagine Betty Neels would have been a remarkably stern yet loving taskmaster so as they say in teaching...you get the class you deserve ;-)
    Betty AnHK

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    Replies
    1. Good afternoon, Betty AnHK, during our final years in grammar school one of our English teachers was a frail little old lady. She could not be termed handsome, she wore huge glasses and one of her poor little arms always needed her special attention. She always gave the impression that she cared but would stand no nonsense, and nobody ever even thought of being naughty or disrespectful.
      Betty Anonymous

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