Top Ten Reasons to Dislike The Nasty [sic] Marriage, or Reilof Is a Rat, Run!
10. Ugly cover. If that’s Limp Laura on the cover, it must be her good sense haunting her.
I rest my case:
9. Nasty Reilof has no sense of humor. None. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Niet. Limp Laura has no sense of humor. None. Zip. Zilch. Nada. Niet.
|Reilof in a Good Mood|
8. “Providential head of celery”—impossible; no celery is from Providence; (whispering) it comes from vegetable (looking down ominously and grimacing) somewhere else….serious lack of judgment by Limp Laura right out of the bag (so to speak).
7. Nasty Reilof is never Nice Reilof. Never, Betty JoDee? No, never, Fellow Bettys (I’m channeling Betty Keira). Self-serving posturing is not niceness. He didn’t even look at her coming down the aisle. Ugh.
6. After he has his Dawning Realization over a Fiat (again, questionable judgment!), he rushes to her all hot and bothered and desperately in love, supposedly mad because of his fear for her safety (see Betty Magdalen’s spirited—though the jury is still out—defense of Angry Alexander in A Star Looks Down. He doesn’t even ask or check to see if she is hurt until she’s so ticked that she begs off with a headache. Bah!
|See what I mean about his judgment? |
2. RDDs should notice the unnoticed. The elder sister who hangs out the wash when all the boys are playing football. The staff nurse who catches the brunt of Surly Sister during the night shift. The knitting switchboard operator with an unusual name who treats him as a regular guy. The guardian of small orphaned boys who works in the flower shop through lunch to make ends meet. The Not Pretty but Not Plain Nurses who are the only ones to cook, clean, work, be competent, or even pleasant. Nasty Reilof falls head over dim-brain for Jet-Set Joyce instead—not just for some time-killing dates or even mutually-using-each-other engagements but In Love! Double Ugh.
Only Known Example in the History of World Civilization of an Attractive Turban:
HRH Princess Maxima of the Netherlands
Ten Reasons to Read The Nasty [sic] Marriage Anyway
10. It’s a Betty.
9. Limp Laura’s lacy brown dress with low neckline. (Even Betty knew that Nasty Reilof only thought of One Thing, thus if Limp Laura has any chance at all….) Still a rare sighting in Neelsdom.
Limp Laura finally speaks Reilof’s Language
8. It’s a Betty.
7. Got nothing.
6. It’s a Betty.
5. Still working on it.
3. Did I mention that Betty Neels wrote it?
2. One of the longest declarations of love in The Canon—almost five pages. (Of course, Betty knew she was gonna have to sell this piece of dubious reconciliation with more effort than usual.)
Nice try but no cigar, Mrs. Neels
1. Larry the American!