Thursday, August 26, 2010

Pineapple Girl - 1977

Eloise Bennet - tall, shapely, nutbrown hair. Plainish as to face...'her nose was just a nose' (why is that a bad thing?)......she works the night shift at St. Goth's.
While making her rounds one evening, a patient presents her with a pineapple - rather in the manner of a magician pulling a rabbit out of a hat. Frankly, it's a good thing Eloise gets the pineapple. Why? Because that pineapple is the one thing that makes this Neels stand out - in an otherwise less than memorable book.
While racing down the stairs at St. Goth's, Eloise sees a strange man staring at her - as though she was surrounded by winking lights or something. Up goes her chin and Eloise becomes Pineapple Girl when she misses the final stair and takes a header - thus dropping the pineapple which rolls across the floor and is dented on the stranger's expensive shoe. I'm sure there were some quick pleas for the earth to open up and swallow her - but no such luck - girlfriend is hoisted to her feet and dusted off by the stranger and Sir Arthur Newman. Great first impression. Great.
Eloise aka Pineapple Girl, rides her ancient bicycle home, through the London streets - and drops into bed - to try and sleep through the day.
Mum brings her tea in bed and asks about the pineapple. Was it a special pineapple? Why? asks Eloise...because a large Fortnum and Mason basket of fruit has magically appeared, addressed to...the Pineapple Girl! Handsome stranger has sent a basket - but not his name, so there is no way to say thank you and she'd really sort of rather not...
Mevrouw Deborah Pringle comes to visit...she just had a rather vague 'procedure' and needs a nurse to come back to Holland with her for a couple of weeks. Mevrouw Pringle is a charming old friend of Mrs. Bennett's - not only does she get Eloise to agree to come to Holland, she also arranges for Mrs. Bennett to go stay with Mrs. Plunkett back in Eddlescombe.
Mevrouw Pringle confides in Eloise that she has inoperable cancer - and that she has six months to live. Editor's note: Anyone familiar with doctors in Neeldom will immediately suspect that 'six months to live' is a bald faced lie...which it is.
Mevrouw Pringle only has weeks to live - and no one is going to tell her - especially not her doctor - who turns out to be the handsome stranger who sent the healthy fruit basket. Doctor Timon van Zeilst.
And now we get to the interaction between Eloise and the RDD. I wish I could say I enjoyed it. But it leaves me a little meh. Timon is dating a small, willowy, vicious blonde named Liske. The kind who wears silver lamé suits with jangly gold bracelets. Yuk. The man has no taste. Of course he's now in love with Eloise - but besides the occasional kiss he is astoundingly reticent about his feelings. A little openness and this could have been a short story. But I digress.
Mevrouw Pringle is dying to have a dinner party (get it? I slay myself...). Too bad the only fancy dress Eloise has is a slightly elderly velvet dress the colour of a mole. Timon will bring Liske of course. Let him bring a dozen Liske's...she could care less. The Pringles son is coming - there will be someone for her. Yes, he's a head shorter than her and balding to boot. He is also the type of man who would poke around the kitchen to see if his wife cleaned the saucepans properly. In spite of his mother being terminally ill, Pieter only ever thinks of himself. Let's ignore him. He's really not a player. Meanwhile, back in Eddlescombe, Mrs. Bennett is being squired around the village by Mr. Jack Plunkett. Why bring that up? You'll see.
Mevrouw Pringle starts going downhill fast...really fast. In fact, she dies within only 2 or 3 weeks of returning to Holland. Eloise calls her mum - who says that she'll be coming to the funeral...Jack will drive her there and take both of them back. Mrs. Bennett and Jack are in fact, engaged and plan on marrying shortly. Love must be in the air - because it only takes a page or two for Eloise to realize she's in love with Timon. Rather hopelessly. She's plain...he's dating Vicious Liske and....he's stinking rich! Eloise's heart drops to her shoes when she sees his home for the first time - it's so grand. He is soooo obviously beyond her reach...besides, he's going to marry Viscous Liske, right? Liske is busy throwing "keep your hands off my property" looks at her - so Timon must be planning on marrying her, right? Who knows? He's certainly not saying.
Now that Mevrouw Pringle is gone, it's time to go back to London and the sad little flat behind the Imperial War Museum. It's time for Eloise to go back, Mum will be going to Eddlescombe to marry Jack. Eloise volunteers to finish up the packing in London then move into the Nurses Home at the hospital. She spends some time in fruitless daydreaming - yes, she's dreaming of Timon - probably a Liske-less Timon. Guess who is leaning on her doorbell while she's trying to get some much needed sleep? It's Timon! He would like her to come back to Holland with him and spend a couple of weeks cheering up Cor Pringle.
Her: Dang...oh, well...how about some breakfast? Sorry about the primitive conditions.
Him: I am a primitive man.
Really? We've had a glimpse of his grand house - the one with mulberry pink ceilings. That may not be quite our taste, but primitive it is not.
Eloise balks at going - how can she leave her job? She's got no more holiday leave. What about a secure future?
Him: If you were allowed to leave at a moments notice, would you come?
Her: Yes.
So, leave she does. Timon and Sir Arthur conspire together to bamboozle the Nursing Superintendent into letting Eloise go at a moments notice. In spite of the tearing hurry, Timon plans a side trip to Eddlescombe. Which gives Eloise time to stick her foot in her mouth.
Her: I thought you and Liske were getting married.
Him: You may think what you wish.
Aargh. More of that unbounded reticence. Even when Eloise tries to apologize, Timon is downright rude.
Him: Putting out feelers? That will get you nowhere with me.
Aargh. Double Aargh.
Eloise is a natural at cheering up the grieving Cor Pringle. She does get to see a little more of Timon, but that is a bittersweet treat. Especially when he hosts a dinner party and invites Vicious Liske. Dinner is delicious, but a willowy blonde like Vicious Liske doesn't eat. She does, however make thinly veiled insults while looking at Eloise - I should hate to get fat.
You can't answer rudeness like that - so Eloise doesn't, in fact she opts for seconds. You go, girlfriend!
After a visit to Timon's sister, Eloise just has to go fishing for information again - despite the fact that her earlier fishing expeditions have netted her exactly no fish.
Her: I thought you might have invited Vicious Liske since you're going to marry her.
Him: Am I? Would you like to see me married to Liske?
Her: As long as you're happy.
Him: With half a dozen kids? I'm not sure Vicious Liske would agree to that. I can see that I nearly made a humungous mistake...I'd need to fix that, Pineapple Girl...
Timon has a date with Vicious Liske...it's a break-up date! But Liske is not going down without some some down and dirty mud-wrestling. She comes to Casa Pringle. It's The Attack of Vicious Liske! Accusations and insults fly with wild abandon....Liske is at her most vicious. She is not fighting for love though, she's fighting for lifestyle. I can already tell that this won't end well.
One more time, one more try - Vicious Liske barges into Timon's house and starts slinging more mud, you are a harpy and designing trollop!...but this time Eloise is not going to take it, so she gives a little back - which is where Timon walks in...just in time to hear her say that Liske is like something that lives under a stone...and then Timon is wept on and lied to by Vicious Liske. AND HE BELIEVES HER!
Aargh. Triple Aargh.
Eloise grabs her coat and leaves...in the teeth of a raging gale - and I can't say I blame her. Of all the insufferable things to happen - having the man you love believe horrible things about you because of your worst enemy. I get it. I'd storm out in the teeth of a gale too. Timon does come after her - they shelter from the storm in an abandoned cottage. Seems like it would be a perfect opportunity for some romantic declarations or at very least, some explanations...but no...Timon would like to talk to Eloise tomorrow. In the meantime he's blathering on about the supposed mud she was slinging at poor Vicious Liske. Instead of waiting for him to show up for a talk the next day, she buys an airline ticket and flies back to England. Eloise has got the itch to get as far away from Timon as possible so she takes a temp job as matron in a boys prep school somewhere in the wilds of Cumbria. Let's wrap it up:
*Eloise goes out on a ledge to save a small boy from suicide.
*Timon drives up just in time to save both of them.
*Timon goes away.
*Eloise gets ready to leave the school and is stopped by Timon.
*Declarations of love, then the second shortest engagement in Neeldom (about 30 minutes - only topped by the engagement in Heidelberg Wedding).
The end.
Rating: Pineapple Girl is a bit like a can of fruit cocktail...only the peaches are dependable...sometime the pears are okay...but that's about it. Some of Pineapple Girl is good - but much is only so-so at best. Too much of the book is either canned grapes or maraschino cherries. Both of which should be banned by a unilateral trade agreement. Timon is one of the most frustrating RDD's...he has a few good moments, but all too often he's canned grapes - especially when he is so abominably reticent. He sinks to the level of maraschino cherries when he listens to Liske's lies and believes her over Eloise. The best I can give this is Madeira cake.
Food: Sizzling macaroni cheese, pineapple, rice pudding, porridge showered with sugar. And to top it off, here's a direct quote: "Would she ever forget the salmon mousse, the roast pheasant, the great silver dishes of vegetables, the sauces?" Doesn't get much better than that.
Fashion: angora cap, scarf and gloves to liven up her old coat, elderly velvet dress the colour of a mole, grey jersey, dark green coat and hat with a lighter green dress. Vicious Liske wears a silver lamé suit with gold bangles.

24 comments:

  1. The funny thing is that I could have sworn that the suicide/ledge ending was in my book for next week--A Match for Sister Maggy.

    I agree that this isn't my fave. The hero digs a very large hole for himself too near the end for my liking.

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  2. "She spends some time in fruitless daydreaming - yes, she's dreaming of Timon - probably a Liske-less Timon"

    Don'tcha mean "pineappleless daydreaming?"

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  3. This is the sort of book that makes me wish a Neels heroine actually managed to disappear -- like, for years. Sure, she'd be miserable, but the hero would really be suffering BIG time! He'd have to talk to everyone -- and no one knows where she's gone -- he'd hire private detectives, but there's no trace. He'd hear of a rather old-fashioned-for-her-age nurse/attendant/companion/matron in an old-age-pensioners-home/school/pickled-onion-widow's-residence/geriatric-hospital but when he got there, it wasn't the right old-fashioned-for-her-age nurse/attendant/companion/matron. With every dead end, he'd die a little, knowing he was a FOOL for believing the hateful Veronica who told him those stupid, barely credible lies.

    Then, when he was nearly broken under the weight of his remorse, he find his old-fashioned-for-her-age nurse/attendant/companion/matron and for the first time in years, the sun would be shining and he'd be able to see the color green again. And she'd forgive him because she was a generous spirit, and because she would know he'd truly paid his debt to (her) society.

    This is, of course, the ending of Frances Hodgson Burnett's A Little Princess, which is a wildly favorite book of mine. And it's a revenge fantasy ("I'll show him!"). And it undoubtedly says a lot about my psyche. But it's also only what Timon deserves.

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    1. LOVE your alternate scenario, Magdalen. Angsty, and really makes him suffer. I definitely wish there were more of these in the canon.

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  4. Betty Barbara here--
    Well, I guess I need to go re-read A Little Princess now, because that's not quite how I remember the ending.
    But that's okay--it is still a fabulous scenario! and a much better ending to this Betty than it has.

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  5. It's the ending from the point of view of the solicitor (Sara calls them Montmorency but it was really something more ordinary, like Carruthers) that Carrisford sends off to find the missing daughter of his best friend. Very melodramatic that it turns out to be the little girl the Lascar has befriended, but for a while all Carruthers had was bad news -- it wasn't the girl in France, it wasn't the girl in Russia, etc.

    For a while, it looks like the search will kill poor Carrisford -- that's the bit I was thinking of.

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  6. Pineapple Girl irks me because I adore the title and really like the set-up but I never read it because it was memorably disappointing.

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  7. Betty Magdalen
    Okay, I get it. Thanks. I'll still re-read the book, though. (Secret Garden is my favorite by FHB)
    Betty Barbara

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  8. Betty Keira -- My work-in-progress is called Blackjack and Moonlight because his nickname is "Blackjack" and he thinks her hair looks like moonlight. He calls her his "moonlight girl."

    Betty Ross used to say I was in his sunshine in emails. (It's harder to do in person, although I sometimes get cards with sunshine on the front...)

    I will admit that I love the melodrama with Smith Secundus on the ledge, so that keeps me from hating this book.

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  9. Betty Magdalen

    I also wanted her and a few other of our hard-done-by ladies to hie themselves a bit further away and REALLY make their RDDs work for forgiveness. Yes, I want to see them seriously sweat - especially when they've swallowed vicious lies told by skinny ex-girlfriends or bratty nephews.

    As to the rating, this wasn't a favourite of mine, but I have to admit that I love maraschino cherries. Tacky? Yes. But everyone has a dirty little food secret.

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  10. Betty Barbara here--
    The one redeeming feature of this book is Eloise's mom. She isn't a whiner(yay!), she doesn't die, she gets a really sweet romance and her new husband likes Eloise. Hooray!
    All in all, fairly rare in Neelsdom.

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  11. This was one of the last ones of the canan I got. I remember being so disappointed when the ebay bids went over my top price several times before I "won" it. Then I was disappointed at the let down.

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  12. I really didn't care for Timon. He had plenty of opportunities but he just had to be all mysterious and in charge of everything and everyone. But Eloise had an epic run; into the storm, then to the Pringle's, then to England,then Cumbria, followed by a precipice and she almost nearly got away from him at the school. Good job girl! I kinda wish she had gotten away after all.

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    1. He starts out so well, with gift baskets and thoughtfulness, but the nonsense with Liske makes me wonder whether he's stupid and unkind or just insane.

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  13. Oh, for heavens sake! A man is a man and likes to come all over white knightish whenever they can!Often they misdirect it especially if they have been fooled before by Vicious Liskes.So 1) He feels a wagonload of guilt over perhaps leading VL on and then dumping her in a rather highhanded manner ( Did I actually SAY I would marry you?!)
    2)Some men HAVE to be right...about everything(!) and it takes them a long time to admit that they're wrong if ever!My PDD has apologized exactly twice in twice as many years even though I am constantly & consistently right. Also if I say the sun is yellow he will say it's orange just so he's right.But I digress...
    3) Seeing Miss Bennett (in the Lake district, funny that)about to fall to her death he died a thousand times on the way to rescue her...punishment enough in Betty's eyes I guess.
    Yes, he wasn't my favorite (but there are others much, much worse!). His sense of honor concerning the Vicious Liske a bit too overdeveloped, but taking all in all I liked quite a few of the characters in this book; Mr. Pringle...a sweetie, Bart-ditto, Mrs. Pringle and Mrs Bennett-lovely women, Eloise, herself, not treacly, not peevish...just nice and deserving and Timon,though a bit mixed up,ripe for softening touch of his lady fair. I would give it a better rating than just fruit salad.

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  14. Can you PLEASE tell me where you got the Pineapple Girl image? I have a friend who would love to use this image, and we would be willing to purchase a high resolution file if possible...

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    1. I don't know where Betty Debbie got the image. The artist's name is Garry Palm. You can contact him via the link on his web page www.garrypalm.com/.

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  15. This is one of my least favorite of the Neels canon, to the point where I want to jump into the book and tell Eloise, "Look honey, you can do better...way better than Timon. Tell you what, you like the RDD type? Then we'll go to Friesland. There are more RDDs there than anyplace else in the Netherlands--RDDs practically gather in herds there.

    And they just love British nurses. We'll get a couple of bikes since the average RDD loves a gal on a bike, and go looking for injured puppies to rescue.

    Trust me, some RDD will be along in his Bentley before we can do more than bend over the poor little puppy to help it. Before you know it, you'll be sitting in a Bentley cuddling the puppy, next to a much better RDD than Timon as he rushes you to a vet."

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  16. Least favorite Betty so far. Timon is not at all forthcoming and then blames Eloise for stuff that she wouldn’t do had he been forthcoming! Tears pricked my eyes during the storm scene but only because of the unfairness of it all. This one won’t be on my re-read list for sure.

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  17. Pineapple Girl first draft: Eloise: “I thought perhaps you were going to marry her.” Timon”What page are we on?” E: “74” T: “How dare you try to resolve my drama by asking a perfectly logical question? I’m going to have a temper tantrum and act like an abusive husband in order to undermine your confidence. Why, I may even threaten to shake you until your teeth rattle, or even do it.” “Hmmm, “ thought Eloise, “I thought at first he was handsome, but now all I see is a nasty smile and a bland face. Perhaps Mr. Collins has a cousin.”

    Pineapple girl 2nd draft: Eloise “Are you going to marry Lisp?” Timon “That’s for me to know and you to find out. Why do you ask?” E “I happened to notice this ad in the Dutch paper you thoughtfully gave me: Single-ish Dutch female seeks wealthy male South American. Must love salt cellars and snark. Advanced driving certification not required.” T: “ Not again!”

    Sigh, this book could’ve used a kitten rescue. Not my favorite.

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  18. I tried to like this,but just couldn't. Both the main characters had no depth to them, not like the Great Betty at all. Don't know what would fix it, maybe a rewrite, ha ha ha.

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  19. Sigh...as others have pointed out this started of so promising and rapidly fell apart.

    He remorselessly destroys her career. Unforgivable.

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  20. I would NOT have let him get away with THAT!!! He was savage- didn’t even try to hear her out.

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