So Amabel is in love with Oliver and, as Betty Debbie points out, this is a Neels prescription for hiding her love away. And sure, that gives the book another 50 pages but does it make any sense? Not so much. As The Dread Pirate Westley says in The Princess Bride, "This is true love. Think this happens everyday?" Amabel, girlfriend, it's time to slap on some lipstick, adjust the decolletage, and dig out the patent leather heels. Love is a battlefield. You are a warrior. See the hill, take the hill.O, Canada. We love Canada. My husband draws his paycheck from Canadians. We say PRO-cess and PRO-gress around La Casa van Voorhees as a result of his close association with our fair neighbors to the North. Better, Mijneer Nathan van Voorhees' sister married a Canadian (who is glued to the Olympics night and day, btw). He has never, to my knowledge kicked a puppy or plowed under an orchard in order to make anything so crass as a financial profit.
Anyway, earlier this week we mentioned the euphemistic importance of Brighton ("Don't go to Brighton!"). Parents, sisters and brothers are to be found all over the globe and it might be fun to tease out the euphemistic importance of some of these.
- In Sun and Candlelight his parents are in New Zealand ("I'm avoiding your wedding!.").
- In Winter Wedding the heroine's sister is in "The Middle East"
where her husband is unable to leave. ("Farewell life. Farewell beauty." The Middle East (including Israel) seems to be a geographical sink hole wherein are sucked mid-level British corporate operatives and VIPs or sons of VIPs in need of urgent medical attention.) - America ("Destroying souls since 1776." The tenth circle of perdition, America echos with the tortured screams of the souls of the damned and sparkles with brimstone and garishly large diamond jewelry. One brother (A Dream Comes True) gets a scientific internship in America (Boston) which seems harmless enough but he will doubtless return married to either the only British girl to be found in Boston or a Yankee hussy...but I repeat myself.)
- Norway ("I'm in rehab.")
- Canada ("Pushing papers for the Dominion.")
- Ireland ("Beautiful Ireland: You might be shot!")
- South America ("Lock up your wives and daughters!")
- Africa("??? I do not know this place of which you speak.")
- Poland ("We will harbor your aged, arthritic nannies in a police state!")
- France ( "Oui, oui and ooh la la! send us your spoiled wards!")
- [BettyKeira] ("Sunny Greece! Mind the earthquakes.")
- Portugal ("I know a little place that makes a great un-tinned fish soup.")
"Nothing was going to make her abandon Cyril and Oscar." Okay pet lovers, I understand that we have a schism here. But can we all agree that nothing would make me drop a pet faster than the prospect of imminent starvation? It's time Amabel put up a Craigslist ad beginning, "Two well-trained animals looking for a good home. Immediate placement desirable..." This is only one of many Neels novels that link a heroines livelihood and possible survival with a four legged retinue.
"There is nothing about you to dislike." He actually says those words. I think that's a classic case of damning with faint praise. Hey Betty Debbie! Your explosive acne doesn't bother me. Hey Betty Suzanne, you are welcome to wear that skirt if you think it makes you look okay. Hey Betty Tia--no, no, she lives too close and could pop me in the nose.
**Clarification: Betty Debbie (happily) has no explosive acne, Betty Suzanne has yet to meet the skirt she doesn't turn transcendent in and Betty Tia could actually pop me in the nose...It's a good thing you put this disclaimer in, or I would have to make the trip down there to pop you in the nose myself. I'd have a three hour head start... ;0) Start running....
The Betty Neels attitude toward Canada cracks me up. I lived overseas once and I remember people I met seemed to adore Canadians because they were so nice and polite. My boss at the time was Canadian and she used to teasingly call us her "Yankee savages". Who knew we had such scoundrels lurking in the north? :-)
ReplyDeleteI think it must be a peculiarly European compliment to assume someone is a Canadian rather than a Yankee savage, eh?
ReplyDeleteIs that damning with faint praise?
ReplyDeleteWow -- if someone said there was nothing about me to dislike (and he/she did not appear to be impaired by brain damage, on some mind-altering substance, or talking to someone behind me) I would consider that person a keeper.
ReplyDeleteIn reality, my dog is the only one who might come close to holding that opinion (not the cats -- they can find a lot of things about me to dislike, starting with the fact I brought a dog home 22 months ago). Which is why I'll face starvation (hey, I can afford to lose a pound or two...) before I abandon my pets.
And look at this way -- no Neels hero ever ever ever would fall for a heroine who ditched the family pets at the first sign of adversity. (Or even the sixth sign of adversity.) Particularly if she could have kept the pets and placed a phone call to him. See, she wouldn't have been ditching the pets to avoid starvation; she would have been ditching the pets to avoid contacting the hero, which is a dumb reason to get rid of a dog & cat.
Just my two-cents, simply to join in the coversation. And because I have an ex-boyfriend originally from York (yes, that's right -- I even dated Brits before I married a Brit. I have a type.) only I suspect I wouldn't recognize him 35 years later. Bald(ing) for sure. (His name is too common to Google, alas.)
You're right, any hero worth his salt would never look twice at a pet-ditching girl.
ReplyDeleteI sometimes wish I we had a dog. I actually do like some dogs...some...just not the yappy ones.
Yes - I'm pretty sure that Europeans meant it as a compliment when they told someone, "Oh, I would have guessed you were Canadian. You just seem so well-mannered!" This was usually followed by general speechlessness.
ReplyDeleteBetty Lynn : Or in the words of The Venerable Neels "an unaswerable remark".
ReplyDeleteEvidently Dr. van der Stevejinck and I are well-mannered. We were mistaken for Canadians on more than occasion...once by some actual Canadians, eh?
I want to be a grandparent of a dog--play a little and send the mess home with mama.
ReplyDeleteI was never mistaken for a Canadian. I might as well have had old glory tattooed on my forehead. But I tried not to be a tourist. I did travel with a Canadian for a bit...then we met some Australian boys and went our separate ways...with the boys.
ReplyDelete