Monday, December 6, 2010

Twas the Betty Before Christmas

I was looking for a way to remind our Bettys of the current contest we're having here on The Uncrushable Jersey Dress so I decided to post a sample submission. So, here goes, this is my example of a possible submission. (Yes, I plagiarized quite a bit, and (possibly worse) played merry hob with the meter - don't be a hater).

Twas the Betty Before Christmas
by Betty Debbie
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
The only creature stirring, was a girl with hair of mouse;
Her stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that 50 p. would keep the fire going there;
The animals were nestled all snug in their beds,
Dickens the cat and a dog named Fred.
Araminta sat in her (shapeless) dressing gown with no cap,
Her shoulders were drooping, her hands in her lap,
When out in the hall there arose such a clatter,
She sprang from the chair to see what was the matter.
Away to the door she flew like a flash,
To open it before the landlady heard the crash.
The light in the hall, with the dimmest of glow
Could barely illuminate the Dutch Doctor below.
His hair was lint fair, his form tall and vast,
Of all the people she expected, he was the last.
Then down he swooped, so lively and quick,
Araminta was kissed before she could tell him she was sick.

More rapid than eagles the sick it did come,
The shine on his shoes did lose luster some.
"Now, Dash -it! Now, Darn-it! Where’s Jolly? I need him!
He’ll get my (handmade Italian) loafers looking like I just got them.
Back in your bed-sit! Lay down on the divan!
I’ll fetch the landlady and give you a jab and
order some soup from Harrods, toot sweet –
Better yet, Mrs. Jolly can fix you a treat.
I’ll bundle you up, take you out to my car,
Then buckle you in - the trip isn’t far.”

With a sigh of regret, Araminta declined…
Her pets must come first, oh dear! What a bind.
“Nonsense,” said he. “We’ll just take them with!”
“They’ll ruin your great socking Bentley,”
she sniffed.
His home, in Lil’ Venice was a sight to behold,
well, what she could see through her streaming head cold.
Down the steps came old Jolly, who picked up the cat,
And led dear dog Fred to the kitchen, and a mat.
Our Gijs hoisted Araminta into a plush bed,
She lay there and moaned…and wished she were dead.
When morning time came, she felt more the thing,
And pinkened quite nicely when he showed her a ring.
The family jewels, a sapphire of blue,
surrounded by diamonds of exceptional hue.

It fit like a dream, as if made just for her,
And then, in her breast, new feelings did stir.
A Dawning Realization, oh dear! What to do?
Hide her love away? And hope he never knew?
Gijs never had told her he loved her, and yet,
he might come to do it, she was willing to bet.
“Yes, I’ll marry you, in spite of the fact,
A mention of implied conjugal relations is something that’s lacked.”
A wink of his eye and a curve of his mouth,
Soon gave her to know that the ‘lack’ had gone south.
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And snogged her most soundly; oh gosh, what a perk!
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, Gijs again did propose.
I’ve loved you ever since the first time I saw you,
Please say yes, my dearest darling, don’t make me stew.
Her eyes, they did twinkle, she said, “Let’s not tarry!”
I’m sure you have a Special License – let’s not wait to marry!
The Jollys toasted the couple, all had finally come right,
"Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

Now it's your turn. I've already recieved a great short-short story from Betty Magdalen (it's much better than my lame attempt - but I wasn't about to waste a post I already had finished...), I'll be posting her entry tomorrow, so mark your calendars!


  1. Betty Barbara here--

    So the meter is a teensy, tiny bit wonky--so what?
    That was charming and so totally Betty!

  2. 'the ‘lack’ had gone south'...

    and a picture of Shahrukh Kahn! My day is made!

  3. Betty Barbara here--
    However did we miss celebrating St Nicholas Day?? Shame on all of us Bettys! Coal in the stockings for us!!

  4. I have a feeling Sint Nicolaas isn't the same without the pounding on the door and a sack of presents left there by the sint.

    Anyway, I was in Florida...

  5. Betty Kylene celebrated a very traditional St. Nicolas Day. But all I had in the house last night was a Kit Kat bar and I didn't want to put it in my shoe...

  6. I have pictures of Candy in our shoes!

  7. BettyMary here to report St. Nick left evidence at Casa Kelly. BettyMegan faithfully put out her shoe and now is the proud owner of the Deluxe Princess Paper Doll Set and a Gingerbread house to assemble. Not to mention lots of imported chocolate--from Aldi's. St. Nick knows where to find the bargains.
    Being military for almost 20 years, we managed to have lots of interesting visitors, St. Nicholas and the Three Kings being the most generous.
    And yes BettyMegan is a bit long in the tooth to be playing with paperdolls, but St. Nick was in on the inside joke. And she says she just LUVS them.
    Oh man, that has given be the best idea for a contest winner. Araminta and Crispin paperdolls. But I lost too much sleep last night making the almost entirely silent movies for the contest. Well, maybe the next go round.
    So next year, put out those shoes, ya never know what you'll find in 'em.
    Happy St. Nicholas Day.

  8. >>>I have pictures of Candy in our shoes!>>>
    Wow, that is even more cruel than coal.
    Were the kids that bad this year?


    To BettyDebbie I off the cap of my pen
    Impressed is the word for which I yen
    You've blended these authors with grace & ease
    A feat not unlike mastering the trapeze
    Today you did prove that you're no mental midget
    Despite the snogging and that thing with his digit
    You've got the stuff it takes to survive as a poet
    A passion for Bettys and the courage to show it!

  10. Dear Betty Mary,
    Here I am, blushing a becoming shade of pink
    That you found my Betty ode didn't entirely stink.

  11. To all Following Bettys:
    Our contest entries are all fantabulo; HOWEVER, Betty Debbie's is still the Gold Medal standard.

    I had all the emotional reactions (tears, fears, cheers) that I do when reading Our Beloved Betty.

    I think we have a new addition to The Canon.

    Can I get an Amen?